Back Again

As I sit here listening to Badi Assad on my iPod, her music relaxes me. She is a really cool Brazilian jazz singer. http://www.badiassad.com/2009/badiassad.php?language=en I learned about her by chance while living in the San Francisco Bay Area and bought one of her CD's in a music store. There is much passion in her music and even though I may not always understanding her lyrics, her music enlivens me and relaxes me at the same time. Sometimes I just get different songs in my head, and they will bring up old memories. I'll be humming or singing to myself which I'm sure some people might find strange as my voice and breath aren't the best in the world.If one song could sum up the past few months, "Love is a Battlefield" comes to mind. It's symbolic. Sometimes I feel I'm fighting CF, yet CF is a part of me. Why fight myself? It's been a tough winter and now spring. I was in last month in March when it was discovered that I retain CO2. I was in ICU and IMU for almost a month and boy was that both exhausting and scary! I could write many details of what happened, but quite honestly the days have all blended together. The result is that I am now using Bipap at night to let my body rest and get the CO2 out of me. The home model is much smaller and quieter than the hospital model. Things were going well at home for the first few weeks and then I couldn't breathe even with the Bipap. My husband had to call 911, and I was sent to the local hospital a week ago. I was eventually transfered to where my CF specialist is which is my usual hospital. All in all, I stayed out of the hospital for three weeks. And as my family help pursue the possibility of living lobe transplant, I am once again overwhelmed by people's generosity and kindness, such a humbling experience. Your love and prayers have helped me get through last month's and even this newest flare up again and again!